and that's what you missed on blee

why is it that every wonderful person even a little in the public eye with some kind of cause...

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:04:06 -0400

why is it that every wonderful person even a little in the public eye with some kind of cause inevitably ends up going against everything they have ever said about it, mocking the people they usually (or maybe only pretended to) stand up for and making themselves out to be a giant overflowing waterfall of smegma even though they’re typically fairly likable

when part of a band you look to to help you through shit starts making fun of self-harm all over...

Sun, 19 May 2013 17:49:54 -0400

when part of a band you look to to help you through shit starts making fun of self-harm all over their twitter page it isn’t a good day.

lecterer: you know youve got it bad for a pairing when youre reading sexless domestic fanfiction

Sun, 19 May 2013 17:26:07 -0400

lecterer:

you know youve got it bad for a pairing when youre reading sexless domestic fanfiction

toughasbro: hannimalcollective: So hey, am I the only one who gets kind of really annoyed when...

Sun, 19 May 2013 07:48:12 -0400

toughasbro:

hannimalcollective:

So hey, am I the only one who gets kind of really annoyed when lesbians who think androgyny is “so hot” go so far as to actively try to date FTMs?

Yeah okay, I understand falling in love with a person before their gender and not staying confined to your label. Totally. That’s how it should be. The lesbians I’m talking about, though, are the ones who are obviously strictly into women sexually and talk about gender identity as if it’s some kind of stylistic choice.

I mean, I’m not trans, and I’ll never fully know what it’s like to be trans, but from what I’ve gathered, being FTM isn’t exactly the easiest thing to go through. Dysphoria sounds like a living hell and transitioning is a painful and lengthy experience for most that ends in suicide a good 40% of the time. If I were trans, I’m pretty sure I’d feel totally disrespected if someone, let alone the person I’m dating, treated my quest to be at peace with my body as some kind of cute accessory.

I had a crush on this girl once. Well, he was introduced to me as a girl, and I was attracted to him as a girl, but it was later revealed to me that he in fact had just begun to identify as male. Immediately I backed off and decided to be his friend instead. Not out of disgust, but because, well… I’m a lesbian. I like girls. I like girls who like that they’re girls. I like tits and curves, vaginas and sweet, sultry lady-voices. All of these are things this guy has but doesn’t want; things that make him hate himself and that he wants to be rid of as soon as possible. Could you even imagine how tremendously unfair of me that would be, to try to date someone when I’m attracted to the very parts of them that prevent them from being themselves? Fuck that.

This is one of the few times I’ve seen someone in the community in question actually acknowledge how dreadful the concept of lesbians treating FTMs as SuperButch Lesbians is, and so wonderfully eloquently. I could count on one hand the others who have acknowledged feeling like this about trans people in general.

I really do hope this message gets through to more people. Srsly, fapping over things people want to commit suicide over is pretty gross, and the world would be a better place if more people realised it and kept it to themselves.

(I mean shit, we can’t help what we like. But we CAN help who we hurt with it.)

"Only a transman would be excited over being told to get a colonoscopy."

Sun, 19 May 2013 04:14:24 -0400

“Only a transman would be excited over being told to get a colonoscopy.”

- things you read on transgender forums

"You’re going to think I’m strange but if you’re required to do the whole..."

Sun, 19 May 2013 04:10:00 -0400

“You’re going to think I’m strange but if you’re required to do the whole “crap yourself silly” thing before surgery take your favorite brand of toilet paper with you (or find a store and buy some while you’re there). Generally hotels and hospitals skimp on the booty wipe by getting the cheapest stuff possible. Once you have crapped every half hour for hours your butthole tends to get raw. Trust me, you’ll be glad you had the good stuff.”

- things you read on transgender forums

it’s 1 am and i can’t sleep so i’m going to post some things that i’ve found...

Sun, 19 May 2013 04:08:00 -0400

it’s 1 am and i can’t sleep so i’m going to post some things that i’ve found on transgender forums to amuse myself. if you posted these things i’m quoting and somehow find my blog please don’t eat me.

peter-repeater: wildheartscantbebroken: FtM are so beautiful (◕‿◕✿) Hi OP, I see a whole heap of...

Sun, 19 May 2013 03:59:56 -0400

peter-repeater:

wildheartscantbebroken:

FtM are so beautiful (◕‿◕✿)

Hi OP,

I see a whole heap of these posts on Tumblr, well meaning people talking about how good looking/hot/sexy they think trans guys are. I know you don’t mean for this to be offensive, but it really is.

By singling us out as better looking than other men, you’re making the impression that there’s something physically different about us that makes us hotter - and when the only difference is what body parts we were born with, it starts to read more like a fetish based on a medical disorder. It’s a little like saying ‘guys with diabetes are really good looking’. So please, tell us about a particular hot guy you met (but don’t disclose his trans status unless he’s OK with it!), or how you find men in general good looking, or whatever. Just don’t make us out to be anything other than the men we are.

coldcigarettes: And closing it again is long and painful, a bit...

Sun, 19 May 2013 03:55:07 -0400

coldcigarettes:

And closing it again is long and painful, a bit more each time

moonrisemango: marxvx: Every house should have a Misgender Jar. Kinda like how weird families have...

Sun, 19 May 2013 03:53:21 -0400

moonrisemango:

marxvx:

Every house should have a Misgender Jar. Kinda like how weird families have a swear jar. And every time you misgender someone you have to put a dollar in the Misgender Jar

A MISGENDER JAR THAT GOES TO MY TOP SURGERY SO THOSE UNAPOLOGETIC FOLKS CAN PAY FOR IT.

mostlycatsmostly: (via sergesmancat)

Sun, 19 May 2013 01:17:38 -0400

mostlycatsmostly:

(via sergesmancat)

why is it that no matter what a teenager thinks about financing they are always...

Sun, 19 May 2013 00:22:11 -0400

why is it that no matter what a teenager thinks about financing they are always horribly, unforgivably wrong?

you aren’t worried about supporting yourself? you don’t mind or are looking forward to moving away from your parents soon? OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A STUPID TEENAGER WOW DO YOU HAVE ANY CONCEPT OF MONEY AT ALL LIVING ON YOUR OWN IS NOT THAT EASY YOU SHOULD RELY ON YOUR PARENTS AS LONG AS POSSIBLE WOW YOU ARE SO NAIVE

you’re having anxiety about supporting yourself? scared about finding a job? you aren’t sure if you’ll be able to do it or if you’ll be able to afford such-and-such thing? OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A STUPID TEENAGER WOW IT’S NOT THAT HARD STOP WORRYING GOD GOES TO SHOW YOUNG PEOPLE ARE ALL STUPID AND ANGSTY WOW

ASOUE Meme↳ [1/2 dedications]

Sat, 18 May 2013 23:05:42 -0400

ASOUE Meme
↳ [1/2 dedications]

heukii: “But I love you, until the end of time”

Sat, 18 May 2013 21:44:08 -0400

heukii:

“But I love you, until the end of time”

vonvonblossoming: healthiie: So, I’m pretty livid right...

Sat, 18 May 2013 21:43:49 -0400

vonvonblossoming:

healthiie:

So, I’m pretty livid right now.

I’ve been trying to recover from Binge Eating Disorder (I’ll be abbreviating it as BED) for the last 7 months. Its been an up and down battle, and for the most part I’m winning it. But when things get chaotic in my life, so does my eating. I can easily gain a several pounds in a couple days when I’m at my worst. I mentioned this to a nurse at my doctor’s office earlier and she looked at me like I was joking. She had absolutely no idea what BED was.

Yep. Surprise, bitch. My fat ass has an eating disorder.

Somehow, I keep running into actual, real life people working in the medical field that seem to think only emaciated people have eating disorders. (PS - you dont even have to be emaciated to have anorexia/bulimia/ednos. so.. they’re fucking stupid on multiple levels.)

So, in an effort to not DRIVE MY FUCKING CAR through a bunch of medical offices killing everyone in my path for failing those of us who are dealing with EDs: May I present my all over the place, angry, and hopefully a little educational personal story about living with and recovering from BED.

I guess I’ll start off by explaining what this disorder is. Put simply, its eating disorder where the sufferer has frequent, uncontrollable episodes of binge eating. The sufferer usually does this in secret, and is extremely ashamed of what and how much they eat. There’s generally no attempt to reverse the binge (like through purging), though people with BED do tend to cycle through occasional periods of restriction to try and change themselves.

There’s so much more to it than that, though.

When you have BED, your entire life revolves around food and binging. You hoard and stockpile food to binge. You eat normally or very little around others just waiting to get home and gorge yourself. You push everyone away so they don’t see how much you’re eating. Staying at a friends house? Letting someone stay with you? Absolutely not. You have eating to do.

Living with others becomes a game of ‘hide the evidence’. You binge on massive amounts of food. You can’t take the wrappers/boxes/plates back to the kitchen.. they might see it. You can’t just toss it.. they might see it. You can’t take it to the outside garbage can. Someone will see it. They’ll know how disgusting you’ve been. They’ll see how much you’ve eaten. So you shove it under your bed. You pile it in your closet. You pack it into drawers. You refuse to let people into your room. You sneak the trash out in your purse little by little. You take the bags to the dump yourself. Or you leave it there. Either way, all it does is remind you of what you’ve done and make you want to eat more. And if your stockpile is empty, and theres people around who might see you get more food? Well, good thing you have all that food packed into every corner of your room. You’ll be binging on your trash. Its still good, right? You wouldn’t want to waste it. Whatever. You’re desperate, and its the only option you have.

Think I’m exaggerating?

I live alone, and I still do all that shit when I relapse. I’m terrified that someone will open my trash can and judge me if they ‘just swing by’. I’m scared of what the fucking garbage men will think of me.

I had a hard week. I usually make myself strict meal plans and bag myself exactly what i’ll be eating for the week on my days off. This week though.. I didn’t. Shit has been chaotic. I worked almost 80 hours. I didn’t do my meal plans. I’ve been stressed. So, my eating reflected that.

I’ve taken two bags to the outside trash, but decided that was enough and that if I took more out I would be judged by my neighbors and the trashmen.

I just took all of the wrappers, bags, boxes, etc out from my closet and under my bed.

This is my bathtub.

This is my bathtub with the “evidence” of what I’ve eaten this week. Keep in mind this is without the plates of food I ate for my normal meals and the two bags outside. This is my binge food.

One week. All of that is inside me.

Once a binge starts, its uncontrollable. Its like I’m not even the person doing it anymore. I feel completely numb. Nothing else exists. I’m barely even aware of how much I’m eating. Eventually, I get so full that I’m not only nauseous.. but in intense physical pain. While I’m in binge mode, I get pissed and annoyed about the pain. I’m not ready to stop eating. I still have a ton in my stockpile. I’m not done yet. So I throw up to alleviate the pain and make room for more. Then I keep eating. Theres no point of satisfaction. Once I start going, theres literally no end until I’m either forced to stop because people show up, or I have to sleep. Or I run out of food. But theres always a way to get more food.

I’ve destroyed my insides and my outsides. My teeth are weak from years of binge eating until I passed out without brushing them. My skin is covered in stretch marks from insanely rapid weight gain. My stomach is sensitive. My intestines are destroyed. I’ve had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, frequent kidney stones.. I’m 22 fucking years old. Last year I had to have a colonoscopy and surgery on my intestines because of the damage I put them through trying to force my body to process so much food. I literally ripped them apart. I had to have my asshole cut open (think of a Q) and pieces of my intestines cut out and cauterized (burned) shut. I spent weeks in a pool of lukewarm water and blood unable to stop screaming because I was in so much pain. And you know what? I still couldn’t stop myself from binging. I was supposed to be on a liquid diet. Nope. I ate and ate and ripped myself back open again. The surgeon who did the operation told me that it was the most painful surgery he does, and that if I didn’t stop I would end up back in the operating room. It took four months after that experience to decide to seek help for my relationship with food. Thats how strong BED is.

And you know what? Its not about laziness. Its not about simply “having willpower and self control”. Its not about the fat girl just needing to put in some effort and stop being such a fat fatty. I have a very physical job. I workout 5-6x a week. I run. I lift weights. I do yoga. I eat clean and do my best to eat healthy everyday. I’ve spent countless hours reading health and nutrition artcles and books. I spend almost every night helping others do the same & updating my health/fitness blog. I know how to lose weight. I understand it. I’ve lost 70lb since starting my recovery. I’m even 7 months clean and sober from hard drugs and alcohol.

But you know what? I wouldn’t be 7 months clean if I had to have a little bit of my drug of choice everyday to survive. BED becomes an addiction. & You can’t just stop eating food and stay away from it to fix it.

So. Yeah. Don’t tell me BED isn’t a fucking eating disorder. Don’t tell me I just need to “stop binging and eat right”. Don’t tell me I’m too fat to have an ED. Don’t tell me its just about delicious food and not knowing when to stop. Its not that simple.

And to everyone reading this who has BED or suspects they might have it? IT GETS BETTER. I swear to you it does. Recovery is possible. Even if you fuck up sometimes. Its possible. You’re able, you’re worth it, and I support you. My ask is always open if you want to talk to someone who’s been through it. I know how bad you want to change it. I know how worthless it makes you feel. Change is possible, and support is out there. Don’t give up.

This should have more notes

do you ever look at listings for apartments and pictures of parks and online road maps and menus for...

Sat, 18 May 2013 20:02:55 -0400

do you ever look at listings for apartments and pictures of parks and online road maps and menus for restaurants in a city you haven’t been to since you were an infant and cry

namikazeminatos: am i on my dashboard or in the eurovision tag.

Sat, 18 May 2013 18:33:04 -0400

namikazeminatos:

am i on my dashboard or in the eurovision tag.

vegasmo: In an empty-handed one-on-one fight a human would get killed by a domestic cow about 99%...

Sat, 18 May 2013 18:29:49 -0400

vegasmo:

In an empty-handed one-on-one fight a human would get killed by a domestic cow about 99% of the time.

That is pretty awesome.

quoms: imagine ‘anon crushes’ in real life someone runs up to you dressed in like a tarp with a...

Sat, 18 May 2013 18:28:02 -0400

quoms:

imagine ‘anon crushes’ in real life

someone runs up to you dressed in like a tarp with a paper bag over their head and yells SORRY I LIKE YOU A LOT before vaulting over a table and sprinting away

mostlycatsmostly: (via assenes)

Sat, 18 May 2013 18:20:25 -0400

mostlycatsmostly:

(via assenes)